The problem with the term is I’m not sure it’s entirely Biblical. While it is true that the Holy Spirit does bring us a sense of confidence and peacefulness when we do follow him, it is not always, if ever, that it comes before we follow Him. Was Jesus “at peace” with the cross while he was sweating blood at Gethsemane? I don’t think so.

I got to thinking about it and realized I feel all kinds of feelings when I do what I believe God wants me to do, but peace is seldom one of them. In fact, I doubt “feeling at peace” goes real well with faith at all. Faith is about ignoring feelings… at least those at the level of comfort, at the level where most aspects of “feeling at peace” lives. Making decisions despite those feelings, not because of them. That is faith.

So where does that leave us? Well, I kinda like doing things because they are the right thing to do, regardless of how I feel about it, regardless of how much peace I feel or lack thereof. It makes for an interesting ride. I certainly don’t think that we should randomly do whatever doesn’t “feel” peaceful, but peace is a terrible gauge for a person who wants to live a life of faith. Turmoil proceeds all kinds of God ordained leaps of faith, Gethsemane being a great example.

When you need to make a decision consider the things that do NOT come from God. Fear is not of God, so while you may feel fear, which is quite the opposite of peace, it doesn’t mean that you should not proceed. That is not God. Manipulation and deception is not of God. Laziness is not an attribute often associated with God. Boredom, vain ambition, pride, malice, oh there are so many things that are not of God. However, feeling these things is part of the process of making decisions. Just cause they aren’t God doesn’t mean you won’t experience them. In fact, they are fantastic guides. The minions of hell make their will known loud and clear. It’s the Holy Spirit that is quiet, calm, and gentle.

Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. However, when it comes from the Spirit it comes despite all of the above. All of the above are still there, and I would go so far to say that when it comes FROM the Holy Spirit it’s not merely something that we feel. Instead it’s something that we accept, and choose to be. Sounds superficial, but it has to be. Our flesh is terribly flawed, and the Bible is clear that the flesh goes contrary to the Spirit. So that Peace that is the fruit of the Spirit is not a feeling, it is a decision. Like so many other fruits, it is a decision to allow The Spirit to lead us.

So next time you feel “at peace” about something, I suggest you look carefully for fear, for laziness, for pride & arrogance, be honest and rebuke deception. A Buddhist monk can light themselves on fire, experience great pain, and be “at peace” throughout the entire ordeal. That doesn’t make it God’s will. God’s will is wonderfully mysterious. We only discover it through relationship with Him. Exercising the flesh, or the mind, even conquering them, does not equate to being God. It doesn’t even equate to knowing God. Discipline can be very important to the process but priority one needs to be precisely what God says: “if you seek me, you will find me, when you seek with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

The season seems to have come to an end in this Country that we’ve invested 3 years of our lives getting to know. Even in that short time we’ve seen it over and over, for one reason or another, on good terms or bad, people leave. It makes me laugh to think of our budget problems. I made nearly what we need as a family of 6 as a 20 year old in junior college. Half way through my career, nearly 5 times that. Now, we have come to a place where we must pay to volunteer, where would-be philanthropists are exploited like a booming niche market, & nationals have the business sense (baatho) to double or triple their prices when they see our white faces. The system & status quo, the rat maze, has foiled us.

We like to believe that we’ve been fruitful. There’s a very long list of accomplishments to show for the years invested. We both speak another language now, my wife surpassing me significantly. We appreciate and understand another culture, not everything is bad about this place. We’ve pitched in everywhere we could, helped everyone who asked until we had to start saying no. Maybe that’s fruit, maybe it’s not. Who ever knows?

For the first year support was generous, we could even give to others in the way we were accustom to. In the second year, it was adequate, but in the third it dwindled. At 1/3rd of the requirement our savings has continued to leak. Maybe that explains the very common 2 year term in modern missions? Maybe it emphasizes our poor self-promotional and marketing skills? Maybe it is just God’s will, or maybe we just don’t have enough Facebook friends?

Life is a bunch of doors. Some open, some close, some need to be broken down and some need to be avoided. God’s will is not so fickle, we are. Every one of us. We create systems, rat mazes, to bring the illusion of stability. A fabricated solid ground. We synthetically satisfy James 1:6 via our system, but in the process John 3:8 warns us that something is wrong.

We took steps this year to fix the leaks. I invested heavily in a door that was somewhat open. However, the realization, among other things, that even if our support did not drop on news that we’ve become so greedy as to supplement our income (after 3 years our remaining supporters are not so fickle) that “door” would only cover another 1/3rd of our budget. When the process of going through that door lapsed we had to face reality. It wouldn’t work & was better left avoided.

We’ve heard it all. The peanut gallery would say, how can it be so expensive to live in one of the poorest Countries on the planet? Well, technically they are right. We are easily within budget if we squeezed our family into a small flat, ate rice twice a day, and walked everywhere. It has a romantic ring to it. From their ivory towers it’s such a distorted perception of reality that leaves them slaves to their own double standard. Thank God for people that get it. Having been here, and done this, we get it more than ever. All too well.

So I’m up bright and early at 3 AM. A dozen or so mosquito bites and a heavy heart making it difficult to sleep. Ironically, as we begin the process of discovering what the next steps are, I can start by categorizing the factors to consider into those same two buckets…. The mosquito bites, and the heart. In my heart there are so many people that I know here that would love our dear Jesus so much if they would give themselves to Him. The “mosquitoes” are pretty much everything else. “The system” has done a great job at ensuring that we spend so much time dealing with the mosquitoes that our lives have little time left for anything else. Wherever we are in the world it’s not so different. We’re match makers, match makers in mosquito infested places. Maybe the mosquitoes won this round, maybe God did, maybe both? Ironically, besides the mosquito bites I feel so healthy just now. Even my chronically throbbing back is fine just now. Ah, my wrists are throbbing… yeah, I’m still here, on earth. Time to stop typing.

America was born under pretty normal circumstances. Just as was, Rome, the USSR, and, well, pretty much all of them. They come into being on the backs of passionate men & at the cost of the lives of other passionate men. Early life in an infant Country can be violent as well. Those passionate men don’t fight and die for nothing. They fight for change, and once independence is accomplished the battle will then rage for what that independence will look like. Our history is full of that as was Rome, and even Iraq today.

However, the similarities to modern newborn nations ends there. Modern warfare of late has resulted in other people waging the battle for the birthing nation. More like a c-section than actual childbirth, the Country is left with leaders who lack the passion necessary to defend. Many of them are just products of the prior leadership and even the ones who aren’t may have sacrificed too little to be able to contribute more than status quo to those they lead (serve). Many will just see this change as their chance to line their pockets the way the previous thieves had done.

The early residents of the United States sacrificed much in its conception & birth. The Civil War was a terrible but necessary injection of yet more passion at a crucial moment. That terrible time in history produced some incredibly honest men. Men who rejected any form of corruption & in many cases rejected compensation altogether. Those days are waning.

In her old age the USA is full of residents and leaders whose one passion is their pocketbook. A mature nation becomes somewhat immune to civil war & infighting as the national army simply becomes too strong to contend with. Meanwhile the people quite fat-dumb-and-happy enjoying the fruits of the others’ sacrifice. So long as their leisure is not interrupted the majority who rule in a democratic society are happy to ignore the world around them & about half of them will show up to the poll and vote for whichever name sounds nicest to them or has the ‘R’ or ‘D’ next to it. The other half won’t even be bothered to do that.

Today some of our politicians get a million dollar kick back just to show their face somewhere. Hilary Clinton could afford to invest $30,000,000 of “her own” money into her “own” presidential campaign. Nothing is off limits, even pardoning friends convicted of crimes is common practice. Congress voted a freeze on Social Security reimbursements but voted themselves a 5% raise in a RECESSION YEAR! Heck, even the Obamacare bill does not apply to Congress. Just everyone else. The Federal Army is MUCH too big to be threatened “by the people” and violence is downright out of style.

The United States founding fathers made one very big mistake in building the basis for our Country. A mistake that even in hindsight I see no solution to. What they did is failed to recognize the dwindling of passion that would occur. They assumed that everyone would recognize the power of a vote was the modern equivalent to a musket. That an election was better than the carnage of war… They assumed we the people would be logical.

Unfortunately, I’m talking to the air. Those passionate enough to read about politics already know these things, and those who aren’t won’t be reading. The mainstream media owns everyone else, swaying their ideas like waves in the sea. One of their claims is that the tea party is violent. The tea party represents a civil war of sorts, and if it is violent to use our ballot muskets and take our one shot on election day then yes it IS VIOLENT.

There is no natural limit to the life of a Country. Unlike a human being a Country can go on for millennia. However, not when it is managed the way ours has been. The USA is on its death bed and if you don’t take your musket and your one shot out to the battle ground (polling stations) on election day, then you are no patriot. Whatever you believe, vote you ungrateful parasite! Fire your shot in the civil war of 2010. Study the issues and practice your marksmanship carefully. If you think a wasteful money spending, pocket lining, gigantic government is what you want then aim your musket right at my forehead. But vote dangit! Let’s get this bloody war over with.

At the end of its life a nation makes some desperate last gasps. Often by the now tyrannical leadership, but sometimes the people try to revive themselves. Huge riots, and even bloodshed accompany the death of a nation very similar to its birth. By then it’s too little too late. So vote money into your own pocket. Aim your musket at the tea-party so that you can get a big pension. That’s your choice, and if you do that you are no better than the tyrants that are running the show. Just be sure, on the Country’s death bed you or your offspring will suffer for real for your self-indulgence. One way or another, truth comes to be known.

So dear children, my hope is that you will never have to see violence, but my hope is that you will be passionate about everything. In the words of Wes King:

“Love life with all your might.
Love peace but be willing to fight.
Love beauty and train your sight.
And nurture your appetite for beauty, goodness and truth.
Be strong and be brave.
Believe and be saved, for there is a God.”

- Wes King from: “There is a God”